The Life Time Partner . (4)

4

Day 35

" Will you be there when I need you most baby ? " A

" Forever and ever, babe " I

I lie on the bed , thinking of the past, thinking of what could have been. I remember I once kneeled down in front of you , " Marry me , baby. " *scoffs* that face , your adorable, blushing face , I would give anything just to see that look on your face one more time

Every time when I thought I could move on , there is always something about you that holds on to me , a faint remnant of nostalgia buried in the smoldering ashes of my broken heart . If there were some way I could go back to the past , to the way we used to be , even just for a day , I would do anything , anything at all.

I thought to myself , as the medicine kicked in , and numbness crept up my body , as I slowly , slowly , fade into darkness. If I don't wake up , I don’t need to let you go , no more sadness , no more tears.


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Day 37

" Close your eyes , I know you are tired. " I

" The bus keeps moving , I can't sleep properly. " A

" Here , use my jacket as a pillow , you can lie on my lap " I

" Heeh , my private pillow ! " A

You lie on my lap as I caress your hair , and I watch you as you slowly close your eyes and drift into slumber . I want you , I want you so badly. But , I've never thought that the moment I open my eyes , I would see you sitting right beside me , I was so happy , excited. Until I saw him. . .

" Why? " I asked as I feel the anger coursing through my veins like molten lead ..

" I know , you wanted to see me Isaac. " She said , when the guy moves forward and grabbed her hands.

" Then why'd you bring him?! " My voice broke , I knew then what I would say would have dire consequences on what happened after , " You brought him here so you could both see me die?! What, is this some kind of movie ? Leave , NOW!! "

" Isaac , " She called me immediately , from the look in her eyes , I don't see the Allyson I once knew , I don't see.. the Isaac in me.

" Now.. " I lowered my voice , trying really hard to calm myself, to control my feelings . I couldn’t look her in the eyes , I didn't want to see him standing so close to her . Jealousy lanced through my heart. "Just . . .go. . . Please. . "

She left immediately , without saying good bye. I sat on my bed , tears kept falling , memories came rushing back. " Why must you do this to me , Allyson. WHY !! " I shouted , I lost control of myself. I know , I don't have the rights to stop her but , why..

" Isaac! " Mika dashed into the ward with Ray and Joseph. Mika hugged me tightly immediately , telling me everything is going to be alright.

" Why.. " I repeated , as I sink into a mire of depression and grief overwhelms me. " What else do you want from me!! Are you happy now , ARE YOU?! " I shouted again.

I hurt, hurt so bad that day , the only word I could thought of was , why? Why did she do this to me , why me.

To be continued...

The Life Time Partner . (3)

3

Day 30.

" My head hurts , arghh!!" I

" Are you okay , baby? I'm really worried about you , speak to me." A

" It hurts , it hurts so bad.." I

" Do you want me to call your parents or something baby ? I'm sorry I cannot be there for you." A

" Just stay , on the phone.. with me." I

I stepped out from the hospital feeling depressed , afraid. "Are there any risks , doctor?" I asked , being positive all I can and prayed for an answer I would like to hear.

" It is close to your brain. "

As I walk to my father's car , the 5 minutes I thought to myself , my mom is enjoying her trip in Europe with her sisters and my grandparents. My dad , who is currently stressed up about his buisness and all , and her , the girl I love who is now with another guy.

I held the X-ray on my hand , I made my dad promise not to tell my mom anything about this , I don't want her to worry about me , at all. I tried to hide my face from my father's blind spot , as I allow myself to tear , to let the pain flow through my eyes , as I fantasize if the medicine were powerless against this sickness , I will face the fear of being pushed into the operation room.

I stayed in my room , hands shaking as I go further with my thoughts. God , you took away my happiness , you took away the girl I love , what else do you want to take.

My mom called me through Skype , she's in Switzerland. I could see from the faces of my aunts , my grandparents , my sister and my mom , they were happy , as I cried on the opposite of the screen , saying " I am fine , mom. Don't worry about me , enjoy your trip. "

I hope you are here with me right now Allyson , I'm afraid , I am really afraid..

"Bogoshipta.."

To be continued..

The Life Time Partner . (2)

2

Day 15.

There are so many things in my mind , so many to tell Allyson. I know it's time to let go , I know it's time to set her free but it's never the time , to let go what we both had as a couple. Allyson is the girl I used to call love , the girl I would call perfect , the girl who used to love me , and I would love her back.

I thought a lot for the 2 weeks , but for the past 6 months I've never figured out how happy she is without me , I forgot my promise for her , I just want her to be happy , even if that means letting her go. I long to let her know I would never let the memories slip away , because what I had with her is what makes me happy , that's the only thing telling me to stand up.

Allyson , thank you for the times you used to stand by my side , the times you kiss me and tell me everything is going to be alright. Your voice , your smiles , your breathing will always remain here , deep down in my heart. You used to tell me , you will never do things you know you will regret , but you chose to love me , for that I sincerely thank you , Allyson , with all my heart .

Song played * Waiting for you , waiting for you , waiting for you kiss me at the night... *

" I love this song. " A

" Well , lets not waste this chance , baby , dance with me " I

That night , will always be the night I felt romance in us , we both danced ridiculously I know , but every step we took leads us closer to love , every breath we took drew me closer to your heart. I promised you Allyson , no matter what happened in the future , no matter sadness or happiness occurs , you know I'll be there for you , I'll be right there waiting for you.

To be continued...

The Life Time Partner . (1)

1

" Baby? " A

" Hmm? " I

" I love you. " A

" Forever and ever babe? " I

" Forever and ever , I promise " A

She said to me as the scene flashes through my eyes , as if it just happened yesterday. I lost Allyson months ago , she decided to end Forever and everwith " We weren't meant to be. ". Last time I checked , she'd moved on , within a week she'd found herself a new guy , a better guy I assume?

Allyson used to talk about our future , what kind of houses are we going to live in , what kind of car we are going to drive. She loves Mazda , and that was what I wanted to give her when I've worked enough to pay for it. I miss her , after 6 months , I still miss her.

Allyson meant more than an every guy's girl to me , she was an angel , a girl I would spend time with , she's a girl I would like to call the life time partner. But I guess , what's done is done , what's gone will never return , how I wish I still held the chance of telling her how much I love her , how much I would sacrafice for her , how I'd like her in my arms.

My name is Isaac , I have nothing else to live for , other than thinking , fantasizing what I had with her. My name is Isaac , people call me perfect guy for Allyson. My name is Isaac , today was suppose to be our 2 years anniversary. My name is Isaac , the Isaac who doesn't want to live anymore.


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" Look at the snow ! It's so pretty! " A

" I'm happy I got to see it with you , especially the first time I get to see snow and you are right here with me babe. " I

" Well , you should be happy I'm here with you. " A

" I'm not happy , I'm blessed I got you. " I

" Come here baby. " A

Day 1.

I hope the clock would ring after I feel her hug one more time , eventually nothing is fair in life. I cleaned myself up and went to work as usual. Everything I've seen on my way to work , the bus stop we used to sit and chat with , the fancy restaurant I've brought her to on our 1 year anniversary , the shop where I bought her favourite toy. Even the passanger seat she used to sit , the seat where I used to hold her hand when I was driving , the moments I used to drive her around with my fancy shades , the smiles she had on her when she's right here by my side.

There was nothing I could do to let her go , to let the memories go. I couldn't stop crying when I look at the pictures , the pictures that are so powerful they'll bring tears to a man. I still hear her whispering to me in my dreams , calling my name. The more she's in my mind , the harder it gets to let her go. It hurts so much to see her in other guy's arms.

" Will you leave me at the times I needed you the most? " A

" What kind of guy would I be if I'd ever do that babe ? " I

" I don't know , I'm afraid . " A

" Afraid of what ? " I

" Of losing you . " A

My colleague woke me up after being too exhausted of working , picking up phones. I do not understand why do I still have flashbacks of us when I'm asleep, is this some spell someone put on me to torture me? I pray every night it would stop , I pray I would stop thinking about us.

" Hey Isaac , wanna hang out with us tonight ? We're heading to Overtime. " Joseph said , I knew he wants to cheer me up.

" Yeah , I guess I'll try? "

" Alright , hope to see you there tough. " He left the office , when I look at the time , it was 5pm already.

I hate it when the sun goes down and I have to spend my times in my room all by myself , that is when all the sadness reveals themselves and sabotaj my life . I lost myself under my table lamp shining through my eye lids every time I close my eyes and cry. It hurts to see her so happy , it hurts more to see myself like this, as if I've nothing to live for anymore . It's been 6 months , and this 6 months have been the hardest time for me , in my life.

*whispers* " Baby? " A

" Yes babe? " I

" Are you tired hm? " A

" A little , why? " I

" Go to sleep! " A

" I don't want to. " I

" Why not ? " A

" Because I want to break the moments I had with you on our previous phone call. " I

*whispers* " I love you , so much " A

" I love you too baby. " I hear my voice whispering to myself when I was asleep , hence tears began to gather , I wasn't strong enough to hold them back , I wasn't strong enough to let her go.

To be continued...